just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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