i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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