man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
