he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize