The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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