I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
