Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
