I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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