even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize