If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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