Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Randomize
