I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
