WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
