And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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