She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
