she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
