the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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