I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
