I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
