Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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