I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
there is puke in my bra ... again
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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