my mouth tastes like poor choices
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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