my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well you can't waste a boner
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize