lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
