At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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