you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
