Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
high people should be assigned attendants
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
