Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize