why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
