I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
