I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
