just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize