I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
