I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
