oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize