Where did you get a picture of my penis
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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