hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
