I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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