She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
