Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
