Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
