Kiss
Puke
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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