I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
