Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
