Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
