Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
