I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
