Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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