The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize