2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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