I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
