I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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