Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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