I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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