TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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