THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
