I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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