it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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