Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
