I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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