haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
