How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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