we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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