Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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