Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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