i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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