My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She bit a glass in half.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
