I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
