so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
