last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
