My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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