Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
