she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
