He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
