It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
