I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize