Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(281): View more from Texas

3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

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(303): View more from Colorado

We took shots in honor of Shark Week.

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(440): View more from Ohio

omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

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(254): View more from Texas

In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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(512): View more from Texas

dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.

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(716): View more from New York

Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT

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(573): View more from Missouri

Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night

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