Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
