I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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