i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't deserve a penis
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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