I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize