the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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