he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
