My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
