...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
