i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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