why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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