The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
