What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Be still, my beating vagina.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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