I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
