she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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