It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
