fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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