I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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