I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
