This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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