I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
