There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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