Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize