i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
